Broken, Honest, Known & Loved
These four words describe the journey I have been on over the last 30 years. As I embark on this adventure of helping people be courageous about their brokenness I thought there was no better way than to start than to go first. Over the next 3 months I will be using this space to tell my story.
My story begins with being broken. I experienced more tragedy and trauma in my childhood than some people do in a lifetime. I began to lean on substances and substitutes to cope with the madness of my world. By the time I decided to quit...I was in too deep.
After years of trying to break the cycle of shame and addiction I finally spoke up. Surrounded by a few college classmates I finally told the truth about why I was such a mess. I remember being so afraid that they would reject me. This was the climax of the story. After battling addiction for 17 years I was finally going to ask for help.
It was then that I realized pretending to be someone I wasn't was killing me. I had been in hiding for so long that I didn't even know who I was. That is when I began to long to be known no matter what the cost. Some would accept me and some wouldn't but I no longer had to wonder "If they really knew me, would they still accept me?" I was going to be me, like it or not, and it turns out, I'm pretty awesome.
Finally, after longing for love, I found it. Little by little I can to understand that I was not the sum of my mistakes. I had value and purpose. I was not an accident or a burden. I was a good man with a great sense of humor, and, according to my wife, pretty good looking too. I could be who I actually was, brokenness and all, and be loved for it. That's what I want the world to know, that broken things aren't fulfilling their purpose, that broken things can't be fixed in the dark, and that if your broken, you still deserve love.
So I'm writing this blog to help others find the courage to be honest about their brokenness so they might find the healing I have experienced. Over the next few months I disperse my story in pieces and attempt to draw some lasting truth out of them. I pray it serves as a guide for you on your own journey.
I want to say thanks to my family for trusting me to tell our story. It was obvious to me that by telling my story I would be telling some painful parts of theirs as well and I am grateful for their support. They are no longer the people you will read about in these posts. They have their own redemption stories to tell!
So thanks for reading and I pray we all can find healing together.